Stone Soup for Five: What I want MOST

What I want MOST

What I want most, is what I can't give...

Heart change.

I want my boys to obey because it's right.
I want them to share because we've been given so much.
I want them to love because they are loved.

And most of the time, I want to FORCE them to do it.

When I am frustrated and upset I am more apt to set yet another "hard and fast" rule about whatever the issue is at the moment.

I want to jump in, lecture, and "help" them accomplish it.

My sinful, lover-of-pleasure-please-stop-disturbing-me-self wants to force them to outwardly change so I can go back to my quiet little world of don't bug me semi-peace.

And that has caused more bitterness and strife.

Just this past weekend, I again forced my way into a situation with my son and wanted to fix it, regardless of what he wanted...

His school work was a MESS.  I mean big piles of loose papers, wadded, rippped, stuffed into his backpack MESS.  I was helping him clean his room and saw the papers on his shelf, under his bed, in a box, and crammed into books and backpack.  I'm pretty sure my eye started twitching and I know I scratched my head neurotically a few times.

So I stacked the mess in one towering pile, brought it to the dining room table, told him "Let's just get it DONE real quick". 

 I ignored his desire to go outside and do something he had been planning to do because I was just going to "help him get this mess taken care of, and won't you feel better knowing where everything is?  Come on, let's just get it done... see, you stack each paper into a separate pile for each class and we'll just get it done".

Reluctant, angry, and frustrated, he started slamming papers down on the table.  He was MAD.  So therefore, I did what any other normal mom would do and GOT MAD MYSELF.  

But thank the LORD, He stepped in RIGHT HERE.  Right before I opened my mouth to unleash a dissertation of epic proportions.

Here's kinda how it went down:

God: "He doesn't want your help..."

Me: "But I AM going to help him! Look at this MESS!"

"You are forcing your way again."

Me:  "You bet I am! LOOK AT THIS!  How is he EVER going to learn ANYTHING with all this wreck!?"

"You are sacrificing relationship with him over school again."

Me:  "But!... but.... oh. ya."

And right about there, I realized that I am doing it again.  I WANT him to care about learning.  I REALLY WANT him to be successful.  I SO want him to know that if he applies himself he can do ANYTHING.

But I'm doing it at the expense of our relationship...

I didn't pay any attention to the fact that he wanted to go outside and do his own thing.
I didn't even care that he was angry and growing bitter toward me.

I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it NOW.

Oh, Dear Lord, please help me to constantly see the big picture.  
I can't force his heart to change, that is the one thing You alone can do.  
I will NEVER be able to.  
Please help me remember that. 
 Please preserve our relationship 
so that things of little consequence 
will never take the place of priorities.

Looks like I have some apologizing to do this morning.

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