Stone Soup for Five
"The one thing you don't want to do, is probably the thing you NEED to do."  

I don't remember where that quote came from, but I'm sure it was in a parenting book somewhere in the stack of hundreds of books I've read in the hopes of  finding the right combination and/or magic answer for my HUGE lack of skills in the area of Effective Mom-ing.

Tonight, I was totally blindsided with an answer to a question I hadn't really been praying about.  (That I really SHOULD have been praying about...).  

But I haven't been praying about it because:

I've been TALKING about it.

And READING about it.

And stewing over it.

And whining and fussing and 'poor me-ing' about it.

So God slapped me up alongside the head tonight.

And nearly shouted at me that I have NOT let go of my control-freak ways like I was sure I had.
I gave up and gave my problem of wanting to control my son over to God a year or so ago and was done with trying to do it myself.

So HOW did it end back here?
In my grabby, I-can-do-it-myself-thanks-anyways-God hands?

Oh how the flesh is weak.
Lord, help my unbelief!

I'm reminded yet again that I can't have control over my son AND preserve (or grow) our relationship.  It's one or the other, Kari.

I can guide him (and will)
I can pray for him (and am doing... more each day)
I can help him (if he wants it)

But I can't make him want things that he doesn't want.
I can't make him care about things that he doesn't want to.

And Oh, Lord, how it hurts.
If he would stop kicking against the goads long enough to see ALL that You are.

But I can't make him stop kicking either.

BUT, I CAN work on the relationship.
Without relationship, I have nothing.

I need to let go of the areas of contention and focus on the love,

Lord, I give this back to You.  Please undo any damage I have done by being contentious, and controlling, and cover it with Your grace and mercy, again.  Just as I've taken this back on myself over and over and You've forgiven over and over, help me see Your grace and forgiveness toward me and apply it doubly to him.

Lord, forgive me and cover me in Your mercy.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this very honest and personal post. I needed this same reminder regarding my wanting to fix and control my own son. Moms tend to do that :(


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